Control Your Eating Disorder
With Meditation

I'm the 11th child of a family of 13. As I was growing up 2 siblings always referred to me as being fat. I have a memory as an 8 year old that I can't wait until I get married so that I don't have to be concerned about being fat.

When I did marry my beliefs about not having to worry all went out the window, as that's when it became a real problem. When things were going good between my husband and myself I would eat kind of normal, when it wasn't good I would fluctuate between over-eating and starving myself.

In 1988 my Mum died, I lost total control and the eating disorder took control, I felt that my rock had gone and I had nowhere to turn. When things weren't right in my marriage I felt I had no one to turn to, I STARTED LOOKING AT FOOD AS THE ENEMY, this is when I started taking laxatives and became bulimic, I stopped counting how many laxatives I was taking a day when the number reached 27. I know I was taking more.

Each time I ate I put my fingers down my throat and threw up then I would take a handful of laxatives. I would go all day with nothing to eat, once I started eating I couldnt stop, I would eat everything and anything in sight.

I have memories of changing into loose fitting clothes in the middle of the day as my stomach was so tight, I would have to make myself sick to feel comfortable then I would start eating again HATING myself the whole time. When I went to bed at night I would scream out to God to help me. ( Not believing he would) Promising myself I wouldn't do it again tomorrow but I always did.

I read in the paper one day about over-eaters anonymous, I rang the number , made arrangements to meet the lady on the phone. this lady was the first to ask me how much I ate. At first I was too embarrassed to tell her then she told me her story.

I went to the first meeting it was such a relief to know other people were having the same trouble as myself. That very first night I know I had a spiritual experience, for 2 years I stopped taking laxatives and was no longer bulimic and felt comfortable with the size of my body. Only it didn't last

My marriage broke up and the eating disorder flared up again and I hit rock bottom and was totally out of control.

A friend asked me if I would like to meet the Ishaya Monks. I went to an Intro meeting and I knew this teaching was for me. At this meeting I knew I was going to go to Canada, I knew that what they were teaching would help me, I knew I would become a Ishaya Monk myself.

I learn't to ascend 2 weeks later, The love attitude I was taught was the one that helped me the most, slowly the walls started coming down.

Approximately 4 months later I went to Canada to the consciousness course. I was still having trouble trusting anyone mainly myself, I talked to my teacher about it and he told me to use my Sanskrit name as my star word, I used it all the time with the love attitudes and things started to shift for me.

I started to believe in myself, I didn't need approval outside of myself, I became one with who I truly am (I even started to love myself). All the old belief patterns about Not being good enough, slim enough or pretty enough no longer concerned me.

I'm no longer bulimic, no longer use laxatives, I know who I truly am. I learn't it wasn't what I was eating it was what was eating me.

Its the first time I totally know I have control of my eating disorder, that my eating disorder does not control me.

Without ascension I know this would not have happened for me. I know that I have found something that will last, all I need to do is keep CHOOSING, before ascension nothing else had worked for me.

The best thing that has happened because of ascension is there are no more voices in my head telling me I'm not good enough.

Rasa Ishaya
Teacher of Ascension
New Zealand

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